just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize
