Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
