please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
