You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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