I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
