my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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