Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
