I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
