Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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