mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
