Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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