just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
