the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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