I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
false alarm. still invincible.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
