Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
