Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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