have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
