News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
