what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
