An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
