How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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