Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
