Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
