At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
