I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish I only lived at night.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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