This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
