you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
