He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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