lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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