$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
