It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
