I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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