this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
