i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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