You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
bring money and cleavage
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
BRING THE BAGELS
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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