god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
