Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
