he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
