Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
