4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
