i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
