We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
