Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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