Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
