Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
