16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
