i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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