i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
