Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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