nutella sex= disaster
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
