She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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