sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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