if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We got so high we made milksteak
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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