I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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