why didn't you poke me back
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
