Someone shit on the floor
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sorry about my life...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
