Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
