this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
