why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
