at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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